the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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