Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
