And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
