was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
