think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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