Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
