ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
