Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
