The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
