Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
