im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
