Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
