my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
