I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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