He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
