Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
how does that bad decision feel?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
