New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
