you would pick up someone in the library
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
