Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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