So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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