im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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