Jerry, you need to find god
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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