Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
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And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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