I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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