My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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