Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize