When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
