what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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