If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize