He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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