How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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