So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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