just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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