i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
