He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
