i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
