You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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