I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Operation Purity has been aborted
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
