so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Randomize
