Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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