I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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