Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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