I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
