I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
