i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
