seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
