Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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