It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
