I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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