God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
