I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
