"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
