this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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