Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
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too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
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My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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