Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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