Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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