i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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