you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
