youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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