I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
