so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
