it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We are all done wearing pants today
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
