I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
