I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
