my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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