we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
