I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
