this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
