As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My penis needs a shock collar
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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