Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
