Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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