...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
