JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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