yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
