I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
