They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
