I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
