Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She bit a glass in half.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
