No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
