she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
