My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
