Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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