Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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